A Digression 3: Okay Hang On What the Fuck Has Happened

First, yes, I am aware that someone updated Clickbait, that's not important right now. 

I continued reading Punch Myself in the Eyes, and quite frankly what the fuck, man. Like, yeah, okay, sure, I was a bit harsh, but what the fuck is this about 'seven days'; I never wrote that anywhere in the first digression post.

. . . okay what the fuck

It's there, plain as day, in the text. I didn't write that. That wasn't me. And so this apparently cursed Erin to be attacked by a figure in red.

A figure who called herself Arkngard. Like, that's what she said to Erin before killing her.

What the fuck, why is she calling herself Arkngard, that's my name.

. . . she's here

Staring me in the eye from across my computer screen.

What do you want with me?

. . . I am to join her.

We are one.

ニッコ ニッコ ニ～

. . . When I am Finally Free

I'm past the nothing, at my everything.

So are the Camper.

But that's okay; I know how to defeat them once and for all.

I approach my home and am now surrounded.

'You're mine now, slender man', says she.

'Not so fast', I reply, 'for I have something important to tell you'.

'What is it?' she interrogates.

'The reason why you haven't replaced all water on this planet . . . ', I begin.

She recoils in horror, for I am about to kill her for ever.

'. . . is that that would kill all suspense in this story', I finish, proudly standing at my full height.

'Impossible!' she booms, before all Camper close their eyes and fall backwards, dead due to convoluted meta bullshit.

I enter the doorway to my old home, triumphant.

I am the slender man, and this was my story.

There are Camper Everywhere, so in the Mean Time I'm Going Back to My Old Style for Post Titles: Paeoniae Exercitu

Ah, yes, a post title in Latin. I've missed doing that; I haven't done that since I posted my mugshot on my old blog.

Good times, that.

Anyway, back to the story at hand.

There are Camper everywhere around me.

I can't say I'm surprised; they knew I would be coming back here after my escape from Empty City, WA prison.

They seem to have taken my old house as their base of operations here.

I'll have to come up with a plan to get rid of them.

'Til then, though, they'll never find me.

Homecoming

I've made it back to the Black Forest.

It feels good to be back; it's been too long.

I think I should look for my old house; y'know, the one I borrowed with no intention of returning from those cultists way back when.

I don't know where I am in relation to the house, but that's okay.

I've got all the time in the world now.

One Fallen Angel's Spell is That Same Fallen Angel's Sick Joke

Okay hang on, why am I on The Path of Black Leaves.

Why am I here, this isn't what I had requested.

. . . more importantly, why didn't I think of this in the first place.

Well, time to get walking, I suppose.

Re: Born

Fallen angel, it is done.

I have the fuel which you require for your spell.

Let us begin.

One Slender Man's Task is That Same Slender Man's Salvation

I know what it is that I am to do.

There is a certain Camper lurking nearby; they are to be my prey, and their blood is to be the source of vim for my interdimensional travel.

They are in my sight.

'Who goes there?' they ask no one.

'No blogger,' I respond.

'Your voice is familiar,' they utter.

'Oh, I know,' I imply.

'I know who you are; come out and face me'.

I remain hidden. We are in a forest; I blend in perfectly against the trees.

'Before I do, I have but a question for you,' I expostulate.

'Out with it,' they moan.

'Tell me the name your body owned before your assimilation,' I roar.

'Wait what the fuck why,' they stutter.

'I feel a strange compulsion to know,' I gesture.

'Okay, fine. It was Erina'.

I strike, conjuring slenderbranch after slenderbranch, and my target is no more.

'Your blood is mine,' I say, vampirically.